Who Pays?! We Both Have Vaginas!

Let me first start with a disclaimer: I'm heterosexual. I have no issues with homosexuals. There - disclaimer done, let's get to the blogging...

So, I cut off all my hair approximately a year ago and realized I had that "lesbian chic" look going on - I'm sure you all know the signature lesbian haircut which also doubles as the "I'm a white woman who only dates black men" haircut (for some reason, all the white women I've seen that date black men have the same white version of Halle Berry's short-d0). Apparently, my new haircut started causing lots of lesbians' "gay-dar" to go off, because I received a surplus of invites for lesbian rendezvouses. Now, I was quite flattered because #1, I love attention and take it however I can get it, and #2, some of these chicks were very pretty!

There was one instance where I was approached at a comedy show by a lesbian, who, get this, was on a date with a man...so technically she was bisexual - technically. She waited until her date went to the bathroom to approach me with her phone number stating "if you're into women, or ever plan on being into women, give me a call." Now, I am not into women, and I don't see any future PLANS of me changing my mind, but I still put her number in my purse because I know how hard it is as a woman to take rejection. On the way out, her date rolled his eyes at me when I told her good night - I speculate he had an issue with her approaching women(different to most men I know, but, whatever floats your boat).

A few days later I found the number while cleaning out my purse and asked one of my male friends, "if I were to go on a date with her, who would pay?" His response, "the more manly looking one." "But, we're both cute," I replied. "Okay. Then the dom," which I learned is short for dominant. A couple of my other friends stated she would have to pay since she initiated the date.

Let's visit this hypothetical situation: I'm asked on a date by a chick and I accept. We meet, eat (no pun intended), talk, and here comes the check...on the table...equidistant from the two of us...do I dare reach...wait a minute, she's reaching, reviewing, grabbing purse, pulling wallet out, scanning cards, pulls out card...do I dare offer to pay all or even my portion of the bill (cause I hate going dutch, even with my homegirls - someone just pay the damn bill! It'll equal itself out over the duration of our friendship)...what if I don't and she expects me to put out, or thinks I'm cheap...does this mean if we continue to date, she has assumed the "dom" role?!

So many questions which I can't answer because I've never dated a woman before. The only solution to this perplex situation is to treat it like a heterosexual date and assume [what I consider to be] proper 1st date etiquette: the man pays. The man in this homosexual relationship would be the initiator, therefore, my debit card stays in my wallet, in my purse! In addition, I can't see myself treating some chick that's trying to do me to dinner! That's just asking to be touched!

Sooo....to my blog readers, I ask you, what is the proper etiquette in this situation? Does the a) initiator pay for the meal or b) do we go dutch? In addition, should I feel obligated to offer to pay? Looking forward to hearing the responses!!

Breaking Up with Someone You're Not in a Relationship With

So, I found myself monogamously dating this guy - not because I felt he was worth denouncing singledom for, but rather because I was too busy to scout out other players for my team. Basically, laziness - I was lazy and complacent with the man situation, until I realized - "I don't like him!" He was nice, and cute, and a gentleman, and all those things we women ask of you guys, however, he was missing that "umph" factor. What is that "umph" factor you may wonder? Well, it's indescribable. You are taken over by it when it's there, and you are very much aware (and bored out your mind) when it's missing.

The problem with my situation was I had always made myself available to this guy (because I didn't have any other options), and even went as far as giving up the goods (hoping that would give me a reason to REALLY like him - unfortunately....not so much). I told him on several occasions that I was "not looking for a relationship right now" (we've all heard and stated that bogus line), however, I knew my actions were saying otherwise. I realized the more I hung out with him, the deeper I was getting into this "un-stated, non-relationship, relationship." More importantly, I realized that I needed to break-up with him. But how do you break up with someone you're not with?!

Breaking up with someone you're not with is something that has to be done so delicately. I didn't want to look like the crazy chick who thought we were in a relationship. Do you know how embarrassing it would be to say "Hey, I don't think we should be together anymore" and he says "Hey, I didn't know we ever were together!" There has to be a way to terminate the advancement (I hope that made sense), meaning, there has to be a way to say "I recognize if we continue on this path, we're going to end up in a relationship, and I don't want that. Can't we just stay right here until one of us finds someone more interesting?"

Which I now pose the question: Is it ever okay to have someone as a place holder, i.e., there until something "better" comes along, and if so, what is the proper way to break off this "non-relationship, relationship?"

SACRIFICING

I'm starting to organize my list of wants and goals and in doing so, I realized there's going to be a certain level of sacrifice that has to be made in order to accomplish everything on that list. Comedy is going to require a huge time commitment where I miss out on things most people take for granted - friend's weddings, relaxing Sundays, kicking it with my girls at the club on a Friday night, a normal, non-long distance relationship - and the list goes on. No matter how much we may try to convince ourselves that success and sacrifice don't go hand in hand, the more we find ourselves becoming complacent with our current state of affairs. But, complacency comes with it's own list of sacrifices (i.e., success) - but that's another blog for another day.

This week I was made aware of the sacrifice I will have to make in order to be in a successful, romantic relationship. I won't bore you with the details of our meeting, I'll just skip to the date. He was exactly 10 years, 5 months, and 27 days older than me - a huge deal (my target age range: 27-33, 26 or 34 if you have an AMAZING personality). Conversation at dinner was OK, and I stress the 'O' and the 'K,' yet, I didn't have anything else planned for the evening so I wasn't in a huge rush to get home. We ended up in his hotel room watching TV (don't you just love the lack of transition...just "ended up"...only in my life), sitting on complete opposite sides of a king size bed - not so much as a touch had we exchanged the entire night. He invited me to sleep over, and after assessing the situation I would be putting myself in with this first date turned slumber party, I agreed, borrowed his pjs, changed in the bathroom (such a prude, cause I knew he was going to see me naked eventually...like within the next 30 minutes eventually), came back out, got on my side of the bed, underneath the covers and tried to 'act' relaxed. We both tried to act relaxed. Lights went out, room was pitch black and silent when he finally stated "it's going to be a challenge to stay on my side of the bed," to which I responded "tell me how that works out for you." Skip to the juicy part, we ended up having the most amazing sex I ever had in my ENTIRE life! ENTIRE LIFE!! ENTIRE LIFE!!! That night he confessed he'd never had sex on a first date (of course I remained silent - no need to begin a relationship with a lie - ha!). We both concurred that this was AMAZING.

What seems to be the sacrifice here? While I'm still out here hoping to run into Mr. Ayanna Dookie (male, preferably 6'2" or taller, attractive, 27-33 years of age, college educated, no kids, SINGLE, subscriber to his own hopes, dreams, aspirations and actively working a plan to accomplish these, well-rounded, reads BOOKS - not just magazines and the sports page, and treats me the way I love to be treated), I just met a guy who I can't get out of my mind! Honestly, if this man told me the only way he would continue being intimate with me was if I agreed to be his girlfriend, I would be off the market IMMEDIATELY. It was THAT amazing! The problem here is I really don't believe we could ever be anything serious - he has all the kids he wants, I haven't even started on mine. He has an extremely demanding career that can put him practically anywhere in the world, I have an extremely demanding passion/career that forces me to be strategic with my geographic location (there goes that comedy sacrifice). However, I can not imagine a marriage, or any type of relationship where the sex is not as good as what I just experienced with this gentleman. I don't want to be married with mediocre sex! I honestly don't think it would be possible for me to 100% commit myself to a man who doesn't make me feel the way I felt after the past 2 nights (2 because I went back for 2nds the following night - had to ensure it wasn't a fluke!).

So, the question now becomes, what am I willing to sacrifice in a man/relationship for this amazing sex. My girl Tashya asked me if I had to choose between 1) a man who treated me like making me the happiest girl in the world was his full-time job (and he worked overtime and got great benefits from this job) or 2) a man who I had the most amazing sex with ever - who would I choose. I choose the amazing lover. I cannot imagine living a lifetime never being fully satisfied emotionally and physically (I do believe sex can satisfy you emotionally as well).

I leave this question to you guys now: If you had to choose between 1) a man/woman who treated you like making you the happiest woman/man in the world was his/her full-time job (and he/she worked overtime and got great benefits from this job) or 2) a man/woman who you had the most amazing sex ever with - who would you choose?