I'm starting to organize my list of wants and goals and in doing so, I realized there's going to be a certain level of sacrifice that has to be made in order to accomplish everything on that list. Comedy is going to require a huge time commitment where I miss out on things most people take for granted - friend's weddings, relaxing Sundays, kicking it with my girls at the club on a Friday night, a normal, non-long distance relationship - and the list goes on. No matter how much we may try to convince ourselves that success and sacrifice don't go hand in hand, the more we find ourselves becoming complacent with our current state of affairs. But, complacency comes with it's own list of sacrifices (i.e., success) - but that's another blog for another day.
This week I was made aware of the sacrifice I will have to make in order to be in a successful, romantic relationship. I won't bore you with the details of our meeting, I'll just skip to the date. He was exactly 10 years, 5 months, and 27 days older than me - a huge deal (my target age range: 27-33, 26 or 34 if you have an AMAZING personality). Conversation at dinner was OK, and I stress the 'O' and the 'K,' yet, I didn't have anything else planned for the evening so I wasn't in a huge rush to get home. We ended up in his hotel room watching TV (don't you just love the lack of transition...just "ended up"...only in my life), sitting on complete opposite sides of a king size bed - not so much as a touch had we exchanged the entire night. He invited me to sleep over, and after assessing the situation I would be putting myself in with this first date turned slumber party, I agreed, borrowed his pjs, changed in the bathroom (such a prude, cause I knew he was going to see me naked eventually...like within the next 30 minutes eventually), came back out, got on my side of the bed, underneath the covers and tried to 'act' relaxed. We both tried to act relaxed. Lights went out, room was pitch black and silent when he finally stated "it's going to be a challenge to stay on my side of the bed," to which I responded "tell me how that works out for you." Skip to the juicy part, we ended up having the most amazing sex I ever had in my ENTIRE life! ENTIRE LIFE!! ENTIRE LIFE!!! That night he confessed he'd never had sex on a first date (of course I remained silent - no need to begin a relationship with a lie - ha!). We both concurred that this was AMAZING.
What seems to be the sacrifice here? While I'm still out here hoping to run into Mr. Ayanna Dookie (male, preferably 6'2" or taller, attractive, 27-33 years of age, college educated, no kids, SINGLE, subscriber to his own hopes, dreams, aspirations and actively working a plan to accomplish these, well-rounded, reads BOOKS - not just magazines and the sports page, and treats me the way I love to be treated), I just met a guy who I can't get out of my mind! Honestly, if this man told me the only way he would continue being intimate with me was if I agreed to be his girlfriend, I would be off the market IMMEDIATELY. It was THAT amazing! The problem here is I really don't believe we could ever be anything serious - he has all the kids he wants, I haven't even started on mine. He has an extremely demanding career that can put him practically anywhere in the world, I have an extremely demanding passion/career that forces me to be strategic with my geographic location (there goes that comedy sacrifice). However, I can not imagine a marriage, or any type of relationship where the sex is not as good as what I just experienced with this gentleman. I don't want to be married with mediocre sex! I honestly don't think it would be possible for me to 100% commit myself to a man who doesn't make me feel the way I felt after the past 2 nights (2 because I went back for 2nds the following night - had to ensure it wasn't a fluke!).
So, the question now becomes, what am I willing to sacrifice in a man/relationship for this amazing sex. My girl Tashya asked me if I had to choose between 1) a man who treated me like making me the happiest girl in the world was his full-time job (and he worked overtime and got great benefits from this job) or 2) a man who I had the most amazing sex with ever - who would I choose. I choose the amazing lover. I cannot imagine living a lifetime never being fully satisfied emotionally and physically (I do believe sex can satisfy you emotionally as well).
I leave this question to you guys now: If you had to choose between 1) a man/woman who treated you like making you the happiest woman/man in the world was his/her full-time job (and he/she worked overtime and got great benefits from this job) or 2) a man/woman who you had the most amazing sex ever with - who would you choose?
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Great post! I too agree that great sex is important in a relationship, but I also believe that great sex does not not always equate to a great relationship. I would have to choose #1 because if they are committed to making me the happiest woman in the world and the sex is not dead awful to begin with then we can work on improving the sex.
ReplyDeleteExcellent! I could not have said it better myself. Although alot of women do, I couldn't sacrifice sex. I agree that chivalry, respect and all that is required but w/out good sex to match, eventually your eye will wander. The likelihood that one will remain faithful and committed is slim. When the sex is good you are alot more tolerable cause you ain't going anywhere. I am much more confident if needed, in my ability to train a man to treat me better however, I am less confident in my ability to teach a man good sex nor do I want to. I want you to get it right the first time damnit! There are alot of women who tolerate subpar sex and that's because unfortunately, they have no idea what damn good sex is. That type of sex where there are no words to describe. That sex that literally blows your mind. Everyone should be so privileged to have it!
ReplyDeleteto answer the question, I want a combo 1 and 2. I want the best sex and someone that treats me like I'm his world. I've never been good at relaying to subpar partners that it wasnt "the greatest sex" and like one of the other comments said I dont want to have to teach either. But girl I definitely feel you on the first part. Trying to "do you" seems to put on hold the other things you want in life.
ReplyDeleteI want a combo deal of both 1 and 2. I want the sex and to be his world. But like you in fulfilling some of my life goals, I've put on hold some of the other life goals like finding a good man, traveling, being home!! I always figured get it out the way now so later you can focus.
ReplyDeleteI neeeeeeeed the amazing sex and if you dont believe me peep the 10 part series i left at my spot
ReplyDeletehttp://the-gentlemans-corner.blogspot.com/
A “man woman” or a “he she”, they both sound gross, lol, but pursue your dreams and everything else will eventually fall into place. Say if it was your little sister who was in love with Jonny Long Dong and she just graduated high school with dreams of becoming a Ballerina, but Ballarina Dookie and Mr. Long Dong were on different paths, should she give up on the Dong and pursue her Ballerina dreams or go Long Dong and say screw her ambitions? No pun intended. My point is that love and great sex will wait and you shouldn’t settle for one over the other because you can have both, but if you abandon your passion you will regret it forever, Unless you play the odds that women live longer than men, go with dude and the great sex until he dies at 60, then you can be grandma comedienne in the year 2047 tellin’ jokes about the evolution of denture cream. Not sure if I answered your question though I was drinking a lot last night its kinda hangin’ me over, I would go for the one who treated me right and get my sex on the side because if I went for the sex and was getting my emotional needs met on the side I would probably go stir crazy unless we were having sex for at least 75% of the time we spent together, which would probably get old after a while anyway and considering friction it could also end up being painful but I’m rambling though so I’ll stop, but I blame it on the al a a al a alcohol.
ReplyDeleteThis was a good post. Believe it or not, I think I would have to choose option 1. Reason being, I just ended a "non-relationship" with a guy, where the sex was amazing, but otherwise, I pretty much didn't exist. To say the situation was unfulfillng and empty, would be the understatement of the year....In the long run, especially if we are talking marriage, I would much rather had a man, who made it his business to treat me like a queen, as opposed to the great lover, who otherwise, treated me like the bottom of his shoe. :-)
ReplyDelete