So, I found myself monogamously dating this guy - not because I felt he was worth denouncing singledom for, but rather because I was too busy to scout out other players for my team. Basically, laziness - I was lazy and complacent with the man situation, until I realized - "I don't like him!" He was nice, and cute, and a gentleman, and all those things we women ask of you guys, however, he was missing that "umph" factor. What is that "umph" factor you may wonder? Well, it's indescribable. You are taken over by it when it's there, and you are very much aware (and bored out your mind) when it's missing.
The problem with my situation was I had always made myself available to this guy (because I didn't have any other options), and even went as far as giving up the goods (hoping that would give me a reason to REALLY like him - unfortunately....not so much). I told him on several occasions that I was "not looking for a relationship right now" (we've all heard and stated that bogus line), however, I knew my actions were saying otherwise. I realized the more I hung out with him, the deeper I was getting into this "un-stated, non-relationship, relationship." More importantly, I realized that I needed to break-up with him. But how do you break up with someone you're not with?!
Breaking up with someone you're not with is something that has to be done so delicately. I didn't want to look like the crazy chick who thought we were in a relationship. Do you know how embarrassing it would be to say "Hey, I don't think we should be together anymore" and he says "Hey, I didn't know we ever were together!" There has to be a way to terminate the advancement (I hope that made sense), meaning, there has to be a way to say "I recognize if we continue on this path, we're going to end up in a relationship, and I don't want that. Can't we just stay right here until one of us finds someone more interesting?"
Which I now pose the question: Is it ever okay to have someone as a place holder, i.e., there until something "better" comes along, and if so, what is the proper way to break off this "non-relationship, relationship?"
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I know what I would go with but rather than reveal what course of action I would take which would perhaps expose my own psychosis I decided to leave a few other options for purposes of subterfuge. You could 1 tell him you have a VD, this could go a couple of ways, he may get grossed out and leave willingly or and this would be scary, he could say “hey I have that same VD what a coincidence, were perfect for each other”, in which case you would get grossed out and that would provide you with the motivation to escape your faux relationship guilt free, well not entirely guilt free you may regret that decision to give him some. 2 you can say you want babies, his babies, a lot of them and right now, you could mask it by saying you had a dream about having his babies and you woke up with a warm and fuzzy afterwards and think that it may be the next step for the two of you. Oh and you want them to have your last name hyphenated after his, like 15 little John Doe-Dookies. 3 Tell him you had a spiritual awakening and you want him to join you on the path to righteousness, no sex, pork or rock-n-roll until you both reach the Underverse. Again I’m not going to reveal my preferred choice but I think all three would work in a pinch. GOD SPEED MISS DOOKIE
ReplyDeleteI don't know what jermaine is talking about (sorry Jermaine) but this really is simple. Stop being lazy, divvy up your time amongst new "potentials" and enjoy your new dates. Your break with your current "almost-beau" will fade gradually and should the question ever pop up: What happened between us? Answer truthfully: we missed a spark, and I moved on. I wish you the best. He may call you a bitch but he may also move on!
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