Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Who Pays?! We Both Have Vaginas!

Let me first start with a disclaimer: I'm heterosexual. I have no issues with homosexuals. There - disclaimer done, let's get to the blogging...

So, I cut off all my hair approximately a year ago and realized I had that "lesbian chic" look going on - I'm sure you all know the signature lesbian haircut which also doubles as the "I'm a white woman who only dates black men" haircut (for some reason, all the white women I've seen that date black men have the same white version of Halle Berry's short-d0). Apparently, my new haircut started causing lots of lesbians' "gay-dar" to go off, because I received a surplus of invites for lesbian rendezvouses. Now, I was quite flattered because #1, I love attention and take it however I can get it, and #2, some of these chicks were very pretty!

There was one instance where I was approached at a comedy show by a lesbian, who, get this, was on a date with a man...so technically she was bisexual - technically. She waited until her date went to the bathroom to approach me with her phone number stating "if you're into women, or ever plan on being into women, give me a call." Now, I am not into women, and I don't see any future PLANS of me changing my mind, but I still put her number in my purse because I know how hard it is as a woman to take rejection. On the way out, her date rolled his eyes at me when I told her good night - I speculate he had an issue with her approaching women(different to most men I know, but, whatever floats your boat).

A few days later I found the number while cleaning out my purse and asked one of my male friends, "if I were to go on a date with her, who would pay?" His response, "the more manly looking one." "But, we're both cute," I replied. "Okay. Then the dom," which I learned is short for dominant. A couple of my other friends stated she would have to pay since she initiated the date.

Let's visit this hypothetical situation: I'm asked on a date by a chick and I accept. We meet, eat (no pun intended), talk, and here comes the check...on the table...equidistant from the two of us...do I dare reach...wait a minute, she's reaching, reviewing, grabbing purse, pulling wallet out, scanning cards, pulls out card...do I dare offer to pay all or even my portion of the bill (cause I hate going dutch, even with my homegirls - someone just pay the damn bill! It'll equal itself out over the duration of our friendship)...what if I don't and she expects me to put out, or thinks I'm cheap...does this mean if we continue to date, she has assumed the "dom" role?!

So many questions which I can't answer because I've never dated a woman before. The only solution to this perplex situation is to treat it like a heterosexual date and assume [what I consider to be] proper 1st date etiquette: the man pays. The man in this homosexual relationship would be the initiator, therefore, my debit card stays in my wallet, in my purse! In addition, I can't see myself treating some chick that's trying to do me to dinner! That's just asking to be touched!

Sooo....to my blog readers, I ask you, what is the proper etiquette in this situation? Does the a) initiator pay for the meal or b) do we go dutch? In addition, should I feel obligated to offer to pay? Looking forward to hearing the responses!!

4 comments:

  1. At the end of the day, the traditional rule of thumb is that whichever one initiates the date or asks the other person out, they pay ...plain and simple. I personally don't have a prob paying but not on the first date. Once we've gone out for a minute, I don't have a prob asking the other person out and/or offering to foot the bill. But regardless of what the other person's expectation may be, you ask, you pay. And I don't feel required to give you nothing in return. Be it a man or a woman and the whole dom thing is a not really a factor cause even in a heterosexual relationship, I've seen plenty where the female dominates the man so what do you do in that situation. Things that make you go hmmmm ...

    Also, ain't nothing wrong w/ being flattered by having been asked out by a woman. A compliment is a compliment and flattery is flattery.

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  2. whoever has the bigger ass should pay. They have the power in the relationship.

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  3. I'm thinking outside the box with this one.....Invite a dude along, if he thinks he has a shot at getting a front row seat to your coming out party he'll come out of pocket. I personally wouldn’t want to be there because I would feel like a dog at the dinner table if I was just watching. Whining, slobbering and licking myself, it would be embarrassing.

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  4. Shit I alternate...cus being a lesbian who may wear a dress or baggy pants on a date, I'm sure as shit not gonna pay every time I have on pants! So if I pay now, you pay next time...or we split. I been with my girl for a while now and we still split it lol

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